Looking for Signs He is Not the One? You have come to the right place.
So you’ve been dating your man for a while now and you’re wondering if how he is acting – is he not the one for me?
If you’re thinking he’s not the one AND he is displaying these signs – more likely than not, he probably isn’t the one. And that’s totally okay. Ever heard the saying there’s plenty more fish in the sea? Well it’s totally true and if he is not your one, you want to know and fast so you can move on to the one that is.
If you are wondering how to know he’s not the one – read our 30 signs.
30 Signs He is Not the One Even If you Love Him!
He doesn’t make time for you.
The first of 30 signs he is not the one is when he doesn’t make time for you. If a guy cares about you, he is going to put you as a priority.
He doesn’t have to give you every bit of his free time, but he should make time for you. When he doesn’t take initiative to make plans with you, or he doesn’t text or call you as much as you do him, he is not the one.
He doesn’t respect others.
Respect for people around you is just a sign of human decency. Treat others how you want to be treated. If he shows little to no respect for anyone, that is a problem.
It may not seem like a big deal right now, but eventually, you are going to tire of defending his actions. When he doesn’t respect anyone around him, it means he thinks he is better than others, and you don’t want a toxic trait like that in your life. If this looks like your guy, end it.
He doesn’t respect you.
If a guy cares about you, he treats you with kindness and respect. He thinks you are special, and he does everything he can to show you that what you say and how you feel is important. Just like he needs to show respect for others, he needs to show respect for you.
Failing to respect you is a big slap in the face. He is saying you are not important and your feelings don’t matter. If he doesn’t respect you, respect yourself by moving on.
He looks down at you.
If he looks down at you constantly, this is a huge red flag. In a relationship, you need to be a team. No one person should feel like they are more important than the other.
If he is looking down at you, it means he considers himself better than you. You don’t want to spend your life always thinking you aren’t enough. You will spend your lives with him up on a pedestal and you feel worthless. If your guy looks down on you, dump him.
See also: Signs he will never come back
He belittles you.
Belittling is a technique used by people who feel powerless to make others think they are powerful. If he belittles you, or anyone, he is insecure, and that insecurity is showing itself as a big, ugly monster.
Not only does this mean he doesn’t love you, but until he works on his insecurity, he will always make you feel small just to make himself feel big. Belittling is also a form of verbal abuse and you shouldn’t tread lightly. If he belittles you, he is not the one, and you need to get out now.
He can’t hold down a job.
I understand things happen from time to time. People go through different seasons of life and have bad luck sometimes. That is not what I am referring to here. I’m referring to someone who can never hold on to a job.
This type of guy will find an excuse for why he quit or was fired from the long list of jobs he worked. He never wants to take responsibility for his actions and he plays the victim. Is that someone you can see in your future? He will put the financial burden on you and it will drain you. If he can’t hold down a job, just leave. This may be one of the biggest on the list of 30 signs he is not the one.
He doesn’t have a car.
If you don’t have a car in a place like NYC, it is not a big deal. People take a cab everywhere or walk, anyway. But, in most other places, a car is necessary to have independence and be successful. If he does not have a car and has no means to get one, this is a deal-breaker.
It may not seem like a big deal, but it says a lot about how he handles money. Chances are, he has no savings. Because he blows through his money or doesn’t earn enough to save. If he doesn’t have a car, just leave.
See more: Signs your ex is miserable
He doesn’t handle his finances well.
If he doesn’t handle his finances well, this can mean trouble. When you are looking at a future mate, you are ideally looking for someone who you can trust to be responsible. You need to know that you can rely on them to pay the house payment and not gamble away all the money.
When you have a future with someone, you operate as a team. This means he looks out for you and your future, and you do the same for him. However, if one person only looks at their wants, the relationship is doomed. If he never seems to have any money because he blew through it all on things that have no value, he is not the one.
He flirts with other people.
If you find out he is flirting with other people, and you haven’t talked about that being ok, consider it a red flag. Flirting with other people when he is with you is an enormous sign of disrespect.
He is essentially saying he doesn’t value your feelings and he can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t care if it will hurt your feelings or not. Chances are, he has problems with commitment and being tied down. If your guy flirts with other people, he is not the one.
He checks out other people in front of you.
If you catch him ogling over a pretty server, or staring too intently at someone’s backside, just see yourself out. This behavior is highly disrespectful and means he doesn’t value your relationship. Why would you entertain the idea of someone else, right in front of the person you are with?
It is probably because he doesn’t love you and he can only love himself. His ego is probably too big for his good and you deserve better than that. If he checks out other people in front of you, he is not the one for you.
He doesn’t treat animals well.
How he treats animals says a lot about his character. If he treats animals poorly, you need to run, because he probably won’t treat you any better.
I have said that the way someone treats animals reflects how they treat people. People who abuse animals often end up abusing their partners and children. Also, around 21% of serial killers reported having committed acts of animal cruelty. If he doesn’t treat his animals well, run far away.
He plays a victim.
He will never take responsibility because someone else is always to blame. He wants everyone to feel sorry for him because he thinks he is always treated poorly. Even if he makes mistakes, he will never own up to them.
Behavior like this is extremely toxic, and staying with him will be emotionally draining. He will quit jobs just because there isn’t air conditioning and will complain about it. This will happen frequently and he will always use you to dump his negative energy on. If he plays the victim, run far away. He is not the one.
He isn’t supportive.
Support is an enormous deal in any relationship. You need a partner who will always be there for you and have your back. Your partner should encourage you when you are having a hard time and show up for things that are important to you.
When you get a promotion at work and your co-workers want to take you out to dinner, and he doesn’t want to come to celebrate with you, that is not a good sign. He is showing you that the things that are important to you aren’t important to him. If he isn’t supportive, he is not the one.
Your friends and family don’t like him.
Our friends and family typically have our best interests at heart. They care about us and want to us be happy and content. They are also the first ones to point out the flaws in the person we are seeing. Sometimes, this is completely normal and isn’t a cause for concern.
Everybody has minor flaws and nobody is perfect. However, if your friends and family think he is straight-up bad news, listen to them. We look over red flags in partners because we want to look at the best in people. Sometimes, someone is so charming, it’s hard to even see the flags because you’re swept away in infatuation land.
That is why our friends and family have our backs, to bring us down to reality and show us the light. If your friends and family don’t like him, it’s one of the 30 signs he is not the one.
He doesn’t listen to you.
When someone loves their partner and cares about their happiness and wellbeing, they listen to everything their partner has to say. If you find him not paying attention when you are speaking or interrupting you, he is saying you are not important to him.
He is sending the message that he doesn’t care about what you have to say, and that is a problem. You need a mate who has a genuine interest in the things you do and listens to you, even if what you are saying is boring. If he doesn’t listen to you, I would move on.
It doesn’t feel right.
If something just doesn’t feel right, listen to your intuition. Our bodies have a way of alerting us of danger before we even know the danger exists.
This can help you avoid dangerous situations or save you from a broken heart. Whatever your gut is trying to tell you, listen, even if you don’t know why. If something doesn’t feel right about your relationship, chances are you are right and it’s time to move on.
He puts everything on you.
Relationships should be each person showing effort. Nothing should always be completely on one person. That is why this is one of the 30 signs he is not the one. When he puts everything on you, he is saying he doesn’t care enough to put in the effort.
You call him first or text him first, a majority of the time. He mentioned going out to that new sushi place, but he never called to reserve a table. You end up having to see if you can squeeze in the last minute. This is a sign that he is irresponsible and would not make a great life partner. If he puts everything on you, I would start exploring other options.
He tries to control you.
This one is important. Under no circumstance should you ever let him try to control you. When a guy is controlling, it means he is insecure.
Aside from it showing obvious insecurity, it is also a sign of emotional abuse and you shouldn’t take it lightly. Sometimes a guy will become controlling if he feels like he could lose you, but this will (and should) drive you away. A guy will only treat you how you show him he should. If he knows you will put up with his BS and you will let him control you, it will only get worse.
Not approving of you seeing your friends, getting upset if you work over, or driving a wedge between you and your family, these are ways a guy will try to control you and it’s toxic. He isn’t the one if he shows this behavior.
He is extremely jealous.
A bit of jealousy is ok in a relationship, within reason. It is natural to feel slightly jealous about an ex that still gives you attention or a cute coworker you mention in post-work conversations.
But if this becomes excessive, and you constantly fear getting in trouble over things you have no control over, it is an enormous red flag. If you haven’t noticed, insecurity makes people do some awful things, sometimes without even realizing they have a problem.
This, however, is no excuse for his behavior. The right guy will trust you 100% and won’t ever give you a reason to fear what he may do. If he is overly jealous, you better run.
He is always negative.
If you joke about him being a Debbie Downer from time to time, that is no cause for concern. Everyone has bad days or a few, and you can be there for him and show your support to change his negative mood.
Having said this, sometimes people are just negative all the time, and you need to watch out for this. People that are always negative will drain every ounce of energy from you and turn that energy into negativity. This is an extremely toxic situation and if you let yourself get down to his level, you may have a hard time digging your way out. If he is a Negative Nancy, kick him to the curb.
He doesn’t encourage you.
Next on the list of 30 signs he is not the one is when he doesn’t encourage you.When a guy loves someone, he wants to them succeed and fulfill their dreams and goals because he cares about them too.
He also wants you to be the best version of yourself, so he will encourage you in any way that you need. If he doesn’t encourage you to chase after your dreams and pursue your passion, he is sending the message that he doesn’t care about you. He is not the one.
He is selfish.
When a guy is selfish, he won’t prioritize you. A selfish man will only worry about himself and what benefits him. He will always push your wants and needs back to make room for what he wants.
If you landed a new promotion that will require you to move, he will talk you out of it if it impedes what he wants. With every relationship, there needs to be an equal amount of “give and take”. But when you are in a relationship with someone selfish, there is always more giving from you and taking from him. If he is selfish, he is not the one.
He has anger issues.
Having self-control is a character trait that you want to look for in a partner, and anger issues are a big sign he doesn’t have that trait.
If he blows up about minor things, you will always fear the next explosion, and that is not a great way to live. It is even worse if he blows up at you over a tiny mistake. Being around someone who is always angry will bring you down and steal your joy. The best thing to do is to get out while you can and dodge the bullet because he isn’t the one.
He is violent.
This sign should go without saying, but I had to add it to the 30 signs he is not the one because it is important. Dealing with someone violent is risky.
He may hide his true colors in the beginning because he doesn’t want you to see them, and he can be good at it. Eventually, he will show himself and you need to reevaluate your relationship at the first sign of it. He will get into physical fights and throw things during arguments. This is very toxic and his violence could turn to you. If he is a violent person, he is not the one.
You want different things.
One of the best ways to know he just isn’t the one.
Sometimes two people are not on the same page, and that is ok. It is important to recognize this sooner rather than later; before anyone gets too invested.
If you wait too long, one of you will end up settling into what the other person wants, only to resent them for it in the future. This will lead to a lot of discontentment and eventually, your relationship will end anyway. It’s better to just end it now because he is not the one.
You are always sad.
If you are always sad since you have been together, it’s a red flag. This means he isn’t fulfilling you in a way you need to be fulfilled.
He isn’t making sure you are happy and content, and that is a problem. When a guy loves you, he will want to make sure you are always happy. Sure, everyone gets down sometimes, but he should notice when you do and try to help you feel better. You deserve to be with a guy that you feel happy with. So, if you are always sad, he is not the one.
His success is more important than yours.
Everyone wants to be successful, but in a relationship, you care about both of your successes. If a guy clarifies that his success is more important than yours, you need to get out.
This is a sign that he only cares about himself and would toss you to the side as soon as he became successful, and you deserve better than that. You shouldn’t have to put your career on the back burner to make way for his career. If this sounds like your situation, he is not the one.
He flirts with other people.
Sometimes people are ok with this, but most are not. Even if you are ok with it, this warrants a conversation about what is and is not ok within the bounds of your relationship.
If that is something you haven’t discussed and he is flirting with other people, he is showing a clear sign of disrespect. When a guy respects you, he won’t flirt with other people because he doesn’t want to do anything to upset you or potentially harm your relationship. If he flirts with other people, start looking elsewhere for the one.
You catch him checking out your friends.
This one is a big no! If he checks out your friends, you can do better. This is an enormous sign of disrespect and you should not put up with this type of behavior.
He is not only disrespecting you; he is disrespecting your friends. When a guy cares for you, he will respect you as well as your friends. This is because he knows how important your friends are to you, so he will want to form friendships with them too. If a guy checks out your friends, he is not the one.
He won’t admit when he is wrong.
The last of 30 signs he is not the one is when he won’t admit when he is wrong. This can be a sign of narcissism, and you don’t want to find yourself trapped in a relationship with a narcissist.
With a narcissist, you can never be right. He will always say you are wrong, even if you are not, and this will make you feel crazy. If they admit they are wrong, this will deflate their ego and they can’t afford to lose their ego. If you are with a guy who won’t admit he is wrong, he is not the one.
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